December 31, 2014 | 4:48 pm
brainstorm a list of new material
7:30am-4:30pm
every day

December 2, 2014 | 8:15 am
My body/exercise
Work
Money
The apartment
To-do lists
Feeling overwhelmed and kind of lost
Going through the motions
Very little energy
A lot of anger
Feeling like I’m constantly failing
Not living up to my own or my perception of His standards
Judging myself through a single person’s eyes
lonesome
Jealous

November 26, 2014 | 7:45 pm

Sorting through text messages and photos and smiling faces of three different men I had feelings for, two more than all the others, is difficult at best. It’s a lump I must swallow down and file into the proper folder to be stored away and not looked at until that chapter is ready to be written from some other perspective than hurt. It’s not far off, it’s close, I can see that because I have a certain amount of joy looking at the pictures, but it isn’t here yet. And so, I have to wait. File the pictures. Swallow down the lump. Remember I’m loved, even if not by them, and as I look at my beautiful baby nephew sitting next to me who has just discovered his hands, I know surely my time is coming. Until then, I click save and close that box.

September 21, 2014 | 9:12 am

Positioned yourself away from those coming up the stairs so you could have a slight bit of privacy while you read your book. What this means is you can see businessmen come right up the escalator and right back down because the sky club is closed. You can see a few people miss the sign entirely. You get a view of how each person experiences disappointment. Some scream a curse that seems unnecessary. One pulls his wife aside to make sure they’re reading that correctly but all have a quiet disappointment and disbelief.

_______

Writer’s Note: This post is part of a larger series called, “Self-Portrait: [selected] Notes from my Phone.” It’s an experiment with honesty of sorts.