Remember when I half-promised-sorta that I was going to post several blogs about my air travels in one week. That was cute, wasn’t it? Two weeks later…One of my favorite parts of any plane experience, is the safety instructions. It’s fun to see the first time flyers trying to remember everything. You can almost hear their frantic eyes saying, “Wait. What do I do in the unlikely event of a water landing? Should I be taking notes? Why is everyone so calm?” Then there’s the frequent flyers who rarely even quiet their conversations to “turn their attention to the flight attendant who has some important safety instructions for them.”

Then there’s me. And the whole time I’m watching the safety instructions, I’m thinking about the language choices. For example, when they say, “In the unlikely event of a water landing…” what exactly is unlikely? Is it unlikely that the plane will go down and have to make a water-landing? Or is it more unlikely that said water-landing would be successful? When I’m not thinking about the language choices used on flights, I’m thinking about how much it would suck to crash.Anyways, I thought it would be fun to start my air travel series with a post that included photos since I haven’t done that before. You should know, however, that these were taken with my iPhone and then cropped (read: these photos are crappy). Still I think you’ll be able to enjoy some of the images for the same reasons I did.

I took these photos on a flight from Lafayette, LA to Atlanta, GA (my connection to get back to Baltimore). I walked onto the plane and found that my seat was in the very back of the plane next to the bathroom. Row fourteen (directly behind row twelve–we need to discuss missing 13 soon). I sat next to an elderly gentleman that seemed to be a frequent, but anxious flyer. I then sat down, pulled the safety materials from my seat-back pocket, and took pictures while I laughed. The gentleman did not speak to me for the entire flight.

Putting on a Child’s Life Vest
So I'm not a parent. But I've met toddlers and babies before, and I just don't see this process going as shown. Although, this particular baby seems to be sleeping in a fully upright position with his arms up in the air. So I bet that helps bring order to an otherwise stressful situation. My favorite part though, is definitely the last picture. "Once baby is securely fastened in life jacket, throw into water. The little light on the vest will do the rest."
Escaping in Style
Now these photos are very tiny, and I'm sorry you can't fully see what's going on. But honestly, would it matter? What's happening here? I've listened to a lot of safety instructions, and they don't really cover this part. Nor was it on LOST. Is this even an emergency situation? Also in row three, is that a woman sent out onto the wing to set up a safety rope just so the broad-shouldered gentleman can venture out and look deeply into the distance? What happens after step 4 exactly? He discovers his purpose?
Please Remain Calm and Faceless
These are pretty standard, but, of course, they still make me giggle. One thing that does bother me, however, is the layout of the face mask section. How come Step 3 is broken down into two distinct sections while Steps 1 and 2 are pretty much the same and separated? And what's the message from the diverse group of people that are bracing for impact (or napping as it may be) below. Is it just me or does that infant look completely unsecured? Where's his life jacket? And what flight are these people on that there are so many empty seats, not to mention the leg room?
A Lovely Day for a Swim
Again, this is pretty standard, and not that funny. Except that this woman looks like she's standing in a pool completely bored. That's the goal in any plane crash: boredom.
Plane Crashes: Black Tie Optional
If the plane crashes, please leave your high heels and brief cases on the plane.
What Don’t You Understand?
Plane crashing into ground. Plane crashing into water. Watch from your seat until the pilot has turned off the seatbelt sign. Thanks. What?
Exit If…
It's a good thing this is included. I would have stayed in my seat awaiting further instructions. Also, is that the devil in those flames?
Curing the Boredom of Plane Crashes
Does anyone else get the feeling that whoever's "it" just started counting? The way those silhouettes are running, I swear I'm about to hear "ready or not, here I come!"

Next time I’ll talk more about my interactions with strangers on my flights–their life stories, their advice about long distance relationships and love (that turned out to be spot on), and the many ways I fail at exiting conversations I no longer want to be a part of.