From the Post Office Line
February 5, 2013

Woman wearing sunglasses—indoors—and tights covered in palm trees
with a heavy-looking brown coat with fur trim

People in front of me talking Algorithms, and
someone else wearing an Amelia Earhart hat

1, 2, 3, 15 people in line

The woman behind the desk shouts: “anyone just dropping stuff off?”
and those who nod yes are directed to the front

I wish they’d scream, “anyone budgeted their time poorly?”

Person after person who clearly hasn’t rehearsed
his speech and request as I have make it to the front of the desk

Stamps. Tax refunds. Confusion.

I have this friend—we’ll call her Amanda (because that’s her name). Amanda and I have been compiling a list of things we ought to do in Baltimore this summer:

  • Maryland Crabs
  • Quality Time with My New Apartment & Pool
  • Actually Move Me into My New Apartment (check)
  • Try Raw Oysters (check)
  • Paint Amanda’s Apartment
  • Sushi Dates (check)
  • Wedding Crashing
  • Movies on the Pier (did not go as planned…sorry Amanda)
  • Woodberry Kitchen
  • Fleet Week (check although I’m scarred for life thanks to Martha, Amanda, and Ian)
  • Pirate Ship Party
  • Fells Point Ghost Tours
  • Dress as Cows and Get Free Chick-fil-a (missed opportunity)
  • Run a 5k
  • New York
  • Orioles Games
  • Date an Oriole
  • Washington, DC
  • Adventures. Lots and lots of adventures. (in-progress)
  • Massages
  • Re-learn German (Amanda) and French (Me)
  • Steak Night
  • Make Pottery
  • Get Through Summer School (big check!)
  • Artscape (slightly disappointing, but complete nonetheless)
  • Get Our Lives Together (in-progress)

This isn’t our complete list, but I think you’ve got a feel for our summer goals. And it’s important that you understand our goals and a bit about us, because I’m about to use this people-watching blog to give you a glimpse of a Saturday in July.

Dear Lexington Market

Thank you for being closed on Sundays and eliminating 98% of all walking traffic. I love being able to pull out of my parking garage and not chance hitting five non-crosswalk-using people.

With all the sincerity a letter like this can hold,

Your Across the Street Neighbor


Dear Girl Repeatedly Pulling Instead of Pushing Starbucks’ Glass Doors,

It broke my heart a little when you said, “How do I get out of here!” and everyone looked up at you. There’s no judgment here, but maybe you want to brush up on your problem-solving skills?

Don’t worry, no one laughed when you left, because we’ve all been there.

I May have Laughed a Little,

Girl in the Back Corner Who Dropped All Her Stuff After You Left


Dear Attractive Man Running Down Charles St. with No Shoes on Your Feet,

I see you aren’t against a good running outfit, but you don’t seem to see the benefit in clothing your feet. Based on this evidence alone, I can only assume you’re from Southern Louisiana too, and you realize that some things are more fun barefoot…

Mais Couillon, I understand dat but ya can’t be runnin down de Charles St. wit no shoes, non. Dat glass is gonna get ya feet, cher.

Get you some shoes, Cher, an keep wearin dem cute shorts,

Single Southern Girl with Glass-in-Foot Experience

P.S. How’s ya mom and dem?