Dear Lexington Market

Thank you for being closed on Sundays and eliminating 98% of all walking traffic. I love being able to pull out of my parking garage and not chance hitting five non-crosswalk-using people.

With all the sincerity a letter like this can hold,

Your Across the Street Neighbor

***

Dear Girl Repeatedly Pulling Instead of Pushing Starbucks’ Glass Doors,

It broke my heart a little when you said, “How do I get out of here!” and everyone looked up at you. There’s no judgment here, but maybe you want to brush up on your problem-solving skills?

Don’t worry, no one laughed when you left, because we’ve all been there.

I May have Laughed a Little,

Girl in the Back Corner Who Dropped All Her Stuff After You Left

***

Dear Attractive Man Running Down Charles St. with No Shoes on Your Feet,

I see you aren’t against a good running outfit, but you don’t seem to see the benefit in clothing your feet. Based on this evidence alone, I can only assume you’re from Southern Louisiana too, and you realize that some things are more fun barefoot…

Mais Couillon, I understand dat but ya can’t be runnin down de Charles St. wit no shoes, non. Dat glass is gonna get ya feet, cher.

Get you some shoes, Cher, an keep wearin dem cute shorts,

Single Southern Girl with Glass-in-Foot Experience

P.S. How’s ya mom and dem?

***

Dear Girl Wearing the Don’t Worry, Just Smile Shirt,

Is everything okay? You seem worried. And your smile’s upside down.

Your shirt worked for me,

Girl Now Wearing a Smirk

***

Dear Man Speeding Down the Side Street in the Obnoxiously Loud Sports Car,

Your back seat is full of pink balloons. Did you know? Of course you know; I mean, it’s completely full. You remind me of someone I used to know, and neither of you are fooling anyone.

Still Crackin Up Thinking About All those Balloons,

Sunburned Girl Sitting in the Shade

***

Dear 3 Hopkins Boy-Men Crossing the Street with the Twin Mattress Lifted Above Your Heads,

Thank you for using the crosswalk, but where are you going? I guess you do this a lot because I’m the only one laughing. But there has to be a more efficient way to move.

Are you free to help a girl move in July?

Wondering if You’re Still Walking Around with that Thing,

White Escape with Out of State Plates

***

Dear Man that Yelled Look at that Walk When You Passed Me in the Hall,

You (and everyone else who’s ever talked about how weird my walk is) are not polite. Work on your manners.

Can’t Help the Way I Walk,

Big Hips Attached to Little Legs

***

Dear Old Woman Dancing and Singing at the Flower Mart,

I watched you for several songs and couldn’t help but smiling. Then I watched other people watch you and smiles spread across their lips, too.

Have you always been this way? Spontaneous? Carefree? Fun? I want to be like you and dance when I feel like dancing even if there’s a crowd of people watching me.

You’re What I Adore about Baltimore and Afternoon Adventures,

Someone Inspired by You

***

Dear Sundays in Baltimore,

You have always been, and will continue to be, my favorite day of the week. Thank you for giving this closeted introvert a day to be internal.

Watching Through a Coffee Shop Window,

Girl Lost in Thought

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