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Birthday
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As my thirtieth birthday looms on the horizon, I find myself spending more and more time reflecting on the last decade of my life. I don’t have anything particularly poignant to share today (got to save stuff for ma book), but on this day of thanks, I will say that I’m grateful for my twenties and the people who have filled them. These last ten years have been filled with some of the most important parts of my life.
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Hey Dad,
So listen. I was going to surprise you and fly to Lafayette, but Ashlie beat me to it. And what’s worse, she brought an adorable grandkid. I can’t top that. (Although, if I came home with a grandkid, you would be surprised.)
Then I thought I’d make you a book and mail one page at a time for 60 days. That seemed grand. Except, I started calculating the postage and it added up. It’s not that you’re not worth $29.40, it’s just that I also don’t have 60 envelopes.
After that, there wasn’t much time because I’d put all my thought into the buying a plane ticket and the piecemealed book idea. And The Walking Dead is back on, so that ate up some time (pun intended).
I decided, that maybe I wasn’t playing to my strengths. My strength is writing (yes, and eating. Thanks. That’s hilarious, Dad.). I considered writing something sweet along side my favorite picture of us on Facebook, but then I remembered you don’t have Facebook (which I still completely support by the way).
So then what? A card? That seems too simple. Not your style. And also, I should have mailed it days ago. So here we are. And while this may not be the most private of ways to wish you a happy birthday, I think it can only increase your fan club after Rinse the Damn Dish (from and the floor was always lava, on sale now!).
People will be like, wait, is that the same Dad that had all those rules in your book? And I’ll be like, yeah, Dude, I only have one Dad. And then they’ll be like, so is your book still for sale? And I’ll be like yeah, in both paperback and ebook formats via all major online retailers (on sale this holiday season).
So here we are, Dad. You with your brand new renewed license and me with too much time on my hands. Today, on your 60th birthday, I hope this brings you joy, laughter, and slight discomfort. For that is the Junot way.
* * *
One. I loved hearing all the stories about the women you dated including Betty Crocker. I loved hearing how you proposed to Mom. I loved the way you reenacted it in front of all of us without her even knowing. I loved that we have always had a part in your love story.
Two. I hate when you try to flirt with Mom in front of us. It makes me nauseous.
Three. Do you remember the morning we were running late for camp or school or something of that nature, but you insisted we eat breakfast? You made a table out of a cardboard box with holes for our legs to slide under and rings for our cups of chocolate milk so we could eat in the car. It was not a time-saver in the least, but it was my favorite day.
Day 8: December 19, 2013
Enjoy a belated birthday present from a good friend: a trip to the movies to see the Hobbit (spoiler alert: it was amazing).
You are both really bad at the timing thing, so you’re running late. Even so, you decide that you must have popcorn and a coke icee. Because you’re at the movies. And it’s your birthday (sort of). And seeing the Hobbit in IMAX 3D (!!) demands an extra serving of sugar (icee) and a bit of salt to cancel out the sugar (popcorn).
(You’ll want to question this logic at some point, as it is definitely not sound and you are definitely still hypoglycemic, but today is not a day for logic.)
You ask for smalls: small popcorn and icee, please! You say it proudly as if smalls make everything okay. But the girl at the counter gives you pause:
We don’t have small icees, she says, only mediums or larges.
Conundrum: do you explain that these terms—small, medium, large—in this context—containers of deliciously awful syrupy liquid—are relative terms?
She’s staring at you, asking if you want the medium instead?
Your mind goes to sophomore year biology and the terms “hyper-tonic” and “hypo-tonic” and the fact that they can only be used when comparing two things (this also makes you remember your alternating hypoglycemic and hyperglycemic conditions, and you try to remember which way the icee pendulum swings).