Sleep-Notes and Double Yolks

Day 36: January 16

You slept terribly last night, bad dreams, waking up every few hours, sheets in tangles. But, this is actually normal for you. So really, you slept normally last night.

And hey, dude, what’s the deal with your iPhone clutched in your hand? You always sleep like that?

Check it out. You wrote a sleep-note at 3am about a dream you had last night. Must have been something real important that you didn’t want to forget:

At the Barnes and Noble:

There was a public bathroom that, instead of an enclosed stall, contained just a toilet in an open glass room. Then entire store could see into it. There was a single sign posted with directions for properly using the bathroom that said, “PULL UP PANTS QUICKLY!” [so no one gets a good look at your naked parts]

Unfortunately, as is often the case for me, I struggled to get my jeans over my butt. I had to kind of wiggle myself into them. It was a slow process. When I turned around to find the non-existent sink, I saw a guy smirking at me through the glass. He was just standing there, watching me like a creep.

I reported him, but they [the glass-bathroom police, presumably] couldn’t catch up with him. He was gone.

That night, I and a bunch of other people, slept in the Barnes and Noble. We did this as if it was a normal occurrence, not some kind of awesome book-nerd sleepover. [But let’s come back to that; because that sounds amazing.]

On this night, however, three guys tried to rob the place. What they didn’t realize, is that I’m a terrible sleeper, and thus, I was still awake. I alerted our group, and we seized [yes, seize] the robbers. One of the three turned out to be super hot. And so, I said, “Hot Guy! Why would you do this?” He smirked then and I recognized him as the smirking creep!

[No!] [Yes.]

He laughed and confessed, but he got angry at the end and said, “I would have gotten way with it if it hadn’t been for you and your pesky sleep habits!”

I responded: “What? This isn’t Scooby Doo, you Idiot.”

Then suddenly I was house-sitting for a couple with a cat that sang to me. He was very good.

And then I woke up.

Translation: Whoa.

Twenty-five is weird dreams. The same weird dreams you’ve had all your life. And this is why it matters: a lot of things have and will change this year. But you’re still you at the core of things.

Twenty-five is not important because it’s “twenty-five;” it’s important because it’s older, it’s more experiences, it’s learning to be a person in this messed-up world.

Your “normal” will never be anyone else’s normal. You will probably always struggle with sleep in some context, and you certainly won’t stop sleep-noting (although, this is a triumph over sleep-texting). And seriously, I think jeans over the butt will always be a jumping, wiggling, slow process.

But all of this is okay. Because this is your normal. And glass-bathrooms aren’t a real thing. Everything is just fine.


Day 37: January 17

Meet a man. Via the online dating. (So really, can you call this meeting him?) He’s funny. Like really funny. Like as funny as someone can be over the internet, he is. You’re charming. He’s charming.

Everyone’s charmed all around.

Tell a friend, and then have a latte and then a glass of wine and then a puff of your inhaler to celebrate. (Dude, you have pneumonia. STOP DRINKING WINE.)

Translation: Twenty-five is being charming and charmed via the internet and fake profile names. What could go wrong?

Also, it’s learning that wine actually doesn’t play nice with antibiotics, a fact the doctor failed to mention, because he (and the rest of the world) thought everyone knew that.


Day 38: January 18

Today is a two-yolk day. It’s not weird; it’s awesome.

Translation: Twenty-five is not weird; it’s awesome.



Writer’s Note: This post is part of a larger series called “Learning Twenty-Five.”